Life is Heald: Rap that Big Mac to go

Until Congress amends the Constitution and outlaws the voluntary consumption of grease and cholesterol, we all need to cut McDonald’s some slack. I’ve always had a soft spot for McDonald’s, and no, I don’t mean the area just above my belt. Ever since they lost that lawsuit about their coffee being too hot, America just hasn’t seemed as safe to me. If one fumbly-fingered female and an ambulance chaser can bring down the Golden Arches, what’s next?

Now McDonald’s is back in the news because people are bashing the nutritional value of their food again. What nutritional value? It’s not like you go in there and order the Jenny Craig cheeseburger with a side of Richard Simmons fries. This is America, they can make whatever they want and no one should try and stop them. Let me give you an example of what I mean.

I hate rap music. Can’t stand anything about it, and as soon as the marketing plan is finished, I expect my “You Can’t Spell ‘Crap’ Without ‘rap’” T-shirts to pay for my own island where I’ll live out my days free of the cultural zit known as “rap music.”

That being said, I deny no one their right to produce it, sell it or listen to it, except any teenagers currently sharing a refrigerator with yours truly lest they warrant the traditional four-iron-upside-the-noggin reminder. And even with that local statute, they’re allowed to ingest all the noise pollution they want via headphones.

And if you were to organize a protest to ban rap music, I would be forced to don a thick gold chain, a Yankees hat (turned 45 degrees as per the manual) and a pair of jeans a family of five could camp in, the better to view my boxers in all their glory, and then I would protest your protest. Two weeks advance notice would allow me time to get several of my teeth capped in gold and “Don’t be a hater” landscaped into the side yard of my scalp. Because, like I said, this is America, and if the crotch-grabbers found a way to make a buck, more power to them.

We’ve become a nation of excuse-makers. If you’re wrong, admit it. If you’re fat, take a lap, but don’t blame McDonald’s. I just renewed my driver license. The new photo lacked only a toe tag to identify me as a bloated corpse found floating in the Gulf of Mexico. I didn’t hunt down the photographer, I left my car in the parking lot and walked home.

I’ve got about 25 supplemental pounds that serve a purpose when I need to booty-bump an arrogant teenager into the bushes during the family basketball game and not much else. If the pilot came on the speaker and said the plane was too heavy, more than one of my fellow passengers would be eyeballing me hard. As Led Zeppelin told us, it’s “nobody’s fault but mine.

Gold Chain | Discount Womens Shoes

Gold Chain

How much should I sell my gold chain for?

I'm not talking about selling Cash4Gold! I post my gold chain on Craigslit. Chain is 22 grams 14k .. I bought it for $ 1,300 in 2006, but I know the value of gold has increased significantly since then. How do you think I should sell?

I'm not sure. But you can get an idea by going to a pawnbroker. They will offer about 40% of what it's worth. Then you know how to really sell it. Good luck.

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